Script Feedback - Steve Coombes

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After receiving my feedback from Steve Coombes and listening to his suggestions for developing my script,  I have some ideas that I now want to include. 

Steve suggested that I change the beginning of my script. I originally had three different time frames including some flashbacks. To make it less confusing for someone to read, he suggested I keep my script to two time frames - DAY and FLASHBACKS. I have now adjusted the beginning of script so that I now begins with the two detectives at the crime scene, rather than starting with the actual 'meeting' in the script.

Steve suggested that I develop my characters more providing detail in my action , for example by giving my victim a name and to subtly reveal hints about her personality and the reason she was killed into my flashbacks will give the audience a good reason to hate her character. I have also given my forensic scientist character more of a personality revealed more about him not only in the action of the scene but in their dialogue. 

I have changed the ending to my script, providing the audience with another moment. Both of my characters are involved in the crime. One detective Annie commits the murder and the other one Steph, now steals some evidence in order to protect Annie. Steve gave me this idea, mentioning that it would give my script a twist to the story and would add in another moment. 

Remembering what Steve had said in our script writing lectures about it being show business and not say business, I have included small hints within my flashback scenes about who the killer is and why she is being killed. I'm some of their dialogue together, they now say things like 'you still owe me' and 'I can get you the money' - this gives the audience a slight idea as to why the murder is happening. 

In my original script, the killer was revealed at the beginning and the rest of the script was explaining why she did it. I am now going to keep the killer a secret from the audience until the end of the script. I found having the feedback session with Steve very helping for the development of my script and I feel more confident in my writing. 


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